I'd Really Rather You Didn't

 The Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts

#1 I’d Really Rather You Didn’t act like a sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou ass when describing my Noodly Goodness. If some people don’t believe in Me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain.

#2 I’d Really Rather You Didn’t use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know...be mean to others. 

#3 I’d Really Rather You Didn’t judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? 

#4 I’d Really Rather You Didn’t indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. 

#5 I’d Really Rather You Didn’t challenge the bigoted, misogynist, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bastards.

#6 I’d Really Rather You Didn’t build multimillion-dollar churches/temples/mosques/shrines to my Noodly Goodness when the money could be better spent (Take your pick): 1. Ending poverty 2. Curing diseases 3. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable. 

#7 I’d Really Rather You Didn’t go around telling people I talk to you. You’re not that Interesting. Get over yourself. 

#8 I’d Really Rather You Didn’t "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/Las Vegas. If the other person is Into it, however (Pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! 

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